The Secret of Atonement
Many times in my sessions with people, people tell me, I think I’m crazy. All of a sudden, all of my spirituality, all of my learning went out the window. Something happened. Things changed. I think I’m going crazy. Then they really think they’re crazy when I say to them, “That’s great.” “Rabbi, I just said I’m going crazy. What do you mean, that’s great?”
In conversation number 77, Rebbe Nachman gives us a glimpse into his profound understanding of the human psyche, and it says that every single person is a composite of many, many different factions. He’s got inside of him the whole un-United Nations, and often these factions are in strife with one another. Only because a person is among other people, and he’s taking a side, does it cover over his inner turmoil.
If a person would sit alone in the forest, Rebbe Nachman tells us, a person could literally go crazy. That’s a real wonder, because isn’t Rebbe Nachman the great tzaddik that tells all his followers that every day a person should spend time alone and do hisbodedus in order to draw himself closer to Hashem? Does Rebbe Nachman want us to go crazy? Yup. It’s part of the process.
If you don’t feel like you’re crazy, you are obviously not in the process. You’re not aware. You must be totally identifying with your crazy part and you don’t feel crazy. It’s only when a person starts to make the clarification, just like the lots of the two goats, when the Kohen stands there with two goats that are identical in appearance, in height. On Yom Kippur does a person begin to become conscious and start the clarification process of coming closer to Hashem.
Feeling crazy is one thing, but what if he had a dream and an angel — you know, with wings — angels fly, you know why they fly? Because they take themselves lightly, but this angel’s very serious. He’s the angel of truth. He says, you know, I’m the angel of truth, and on the first day of creation I told G-d not to create you, because I knew you were going to sin. Now I want you to jump off the cliff. What’s the proper response to this angel? Let’s learn together what Rebbe Nosson says about the service of Yom Kippur in the laws of loans and interest, number five.
In this teaching Rebbe Nosson talks about the yearly prosecution of the angel of truth that said, don’t create man, he’s full of lies. Don’t create man, he’s a sinner. That’s what we call, relative truth. Often a person identifies with this angelic relative truth because there’s truth to it. The angels are extremely simple beings. They’re programmed not just for serving G-d. Each and every angel has only one mission in his life. He’s extremely focused, extremely motivated. He can only understand doing the will of G-d.
To an angel, man is crazy. Says Rebbe Nosson, that the service of Yom Kippur through which Hashem forgives the sins of the Jewish People for the whole entire year, it’s only through the absolute pure truth of Hashem Himself. That’s impossible for normal people to perceive, only the greatest of tzaddikim, because the simple truth, the truth of the angels, there’s no hope for a transgressor.
Every year there’s a new prosecution and the angel of truth says, don’t create man. According to their simple truth, they’re right. They knew that man would transgress, but lo yadu — once again the famous words — they didn’t know. Very reminiscent of all the times in this series we’ve talked about, they didn’t know where Moshe was, who represents da’as. They didn’t know where Moshe was buried. They didn’t know that there was a Mordechai in the world.
These angels didn’t know the absolute truth, the mercy of Hashem. This is the real truth of Hashem that’s impossible to perceive, and it’s from this place that Hashem atones the sins of the Jewish people on Yom Kippur, and this is the aspect of the two goats. That they were identical in the way they looked, identical in their height, but nevertheless there was a necessity for a birur, a clarification to separate them. One went to Hashem and the other went off the cliff, the scapegoat. In order to do this, explains Rebbe Nosson, that they have to be lifted up to a place called ‘before creation’. This was done only by a lot, for this is impossible to do this clarification in truth when there is any residue of falsehood, only Hashem Himself can do this clarification.
To this exalted level of truth which is the aspect of Holy of Holies, it’s impossible to go into, only on Yom Kippur and only through this holy service. To draw down atonement for transgression from this absolute truth of the mercy of G-d, which is the aspect of rav chessed, reminiscent of the gematria of Mordechai, infinite lovingkindness. When the Kohen goes in the Holy of Holies the verse said, no man shall be in the Tent of Meeting. The Midrash asked an amazing thing. Wait a second. Isn’t the Kohen himself an ish, a man? Says the Pri Tzaddik an amazing thing. The Kohen at that exalted moment is as if he’s not a man. The place, the time and the man are on such an exalted level that it’s an aspect of lo yadu, it’s beyond perception.
How does it work? You’re talking here about transgressing against Hashem. This is the thrust of what Rebbe Nosson is teaching us. That it’s all part of the cosmic plan, even the things that you don’t like, even the things that have happened to you that shouldn’t have happened to you. Even, G-d forbid, your own transgressions, because it’s all part of a process of becoming. When it gets really bad and you really feel like you’re crazy, that’s the beginning of your rectification, because now you are making a clarification. This is the secret of all sacrifices. The spirit of man, the true you, is elevated in the spirit of animal which is that hairy part of you, the ish Beliyaal, that the Zohar says in Parshas Emor, goes to se’irah. He goes off the cliff. He’s the scapegoat.
When the angel of truth tells you to jump off the cliff you say to him, no, we’re sending the scapegoat off the cliff. I’m going straight to G-d because I’m good. My true nature is holy, healthy and happy, and that’s the secret of Yom Kippur. That’s the secret of the Day of Atonement.